she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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