I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
