At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
