i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
