Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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