I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
