so let's talk penis.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
the liver wants what the liver wants
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
