brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
