Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize