i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
