There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Jerry, you need to find god
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
