he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
