he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
