It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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