i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
