hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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