hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
