Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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