normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
