his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
