You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
