Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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