She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
