I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
