Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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