she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
