she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you had me at cake vodka
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
