We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
