i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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