no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
