Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
