i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
