wakey wakey hands off snakey
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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