I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
