I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
