just come out here and I will go home with you...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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