Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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