Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
