i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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