why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
