I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's the barista slut.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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