He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
