508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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