Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
