No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Bring me that man meat
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
