Christians are straight up FREAKS
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
