It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
