I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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