Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The best revenge is premature balding
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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