now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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