Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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