eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
