Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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