The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
