Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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