Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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