I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
