I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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