my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
As shirtless as possible
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
