I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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