I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
