So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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