i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
