You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
