Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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