my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
