the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
