Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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